Toastmasters Speech My Adventures With Women

Hello. My name is Steve Downing and I m a member of the Open House Toastmasters club, Burbank, California.

The following is the text of my winning speech in a recent Toastmaster speech contest. The topic was, "Humorous!"

Madam Toastmaster, fellow Toastmasters and welcome guests. Id like to talk to you this evening about my adventures with women. Or I should say, my misadventures with women!

When I was eleven years old, I was in the fifth grade on Long Island, N.Y. and I sat next to a girl named Diane Groller. I didnt talk to her for the whole year. But, at the same time, in fifth grade I was the class clown. I would talk out of turn and say stupid things, jump around, make funny faces - anything to make the class laugh.

So, school ends and I m on summer vacation and one day the phone rings. Its Diane and she says, "Do you love me?" Well, Id never spoken to her. And I wasnt thinking about her. So I said, "Yes! I do!" A week later I went out and bought a ring, inexpensive ring, and called Diane and told her that I had a ring and I wanted to get together and give it to her.

So, we arranged to meet at a lunchenette. For two hours I threw a rubber ball up on an awning, jumped around, said stupid things and made funny faces and left and went home and never gave her the ring.

That relationship never went anywhere!

When I was twelve years old, I had a "girl friend" named Judy Kaufman. At least she was my girl friend according to Hillary Kaye! You see, Hillary was Judys best friend and next door neighbor and "the keeper of the list!" Judy had a list of her top five boy friends and she would update it every week.

So, although I had never spoken to Judy, one week I was her number one boy friend - according to Hillary.

That didnt go anywhere!

When I was twenty three, I was in the U.S. Navy and was stationed at the Submarine Base in New London, Connecticut and I had a girl friend named Kathy Kennedy on Long Island. One weekend I had to talk to Kathy,so I went AWOL. AWOL means absent without leave and in the navy thats a no no!

Anyway, I hitch-hiked down to Long Island and Im in Kathys room, were sitting on the bed talking and Kathy says, "I want you to listen to the lyrics of this song very carefully." And she put on a record by Gordon Lightfoot, "If You Could Read My Mind." I listened as Gordon said, "I dont know where we went wrong but the feelins gone and I just cant get it back!"

Not exactly the words I was hoping to hear!

A little later, the phone rang. It was Lt. Showers from the submarine base. He said, "You better get yourself back up to the base, buster!" And I cleaned that up!

So, the next morning I borrowed my fathers car and Kathy and I headed up toward New London. We made it about half way, to New Haven and the engine caught on fire. I sent Kathy home on a train.

That didnt go anywhere!

When I was twenty four, I was living in the great state of Washington, at the Puget Sound-Bremerton Naval Shipyard, and I had a girl friend named "Fat Pauline." Dont ask. Its a speech all by itself!

Anyway, shipmates Phil and Archie and I played in a country & western band called, "The Sons of Sparkling Water" - you may have heard of us!

We took our boat out on sea trials and when we came back we discovered that Fat Pauline and one of her friends had stolen all of our band equipment!

That didnt go anywhere!

Then, when I was twenty nine, I met a girl named Karen Persing on a blind date. A few dates later, I went to her apartment for dinner. And I was surprised. I was amazed. I was shocked. She had furniture!

As a single man, a sailor traveling around the world, I never had furniture! I never had an apartment!

And, she was cooking food and bringing it to me at the table! And her two children, Karry and Buddy, were sitting at the table - like little angles!

I said to myself, "This is the greatest thing since chocolate cake!"

And it was on the basis of this illusion that I proposed to Karen!

She accepted. And, Im happy to say that this one "did go somewhere!" Weve been married for thirty four years, raised four children and have six grandchildren.

And, we are living "happily ever after!"

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Must get my Ex Wife Back … but How

Must get my Ex Wife Back … but How

Are you suffering from loneliness and depression brought ?bout by ? divorce? Do y?u feel that ?ou made th? wrong choice and w?uld l?ke t? correct it? Is the ?nly thing that’? ?n your mind is “I mu?t g?t m? ex wife back?” It ?an be don? by knowing the reason f?r th? failure of ?our marriage, giving h?r space and keeping your pride without b?ing proud.

As difficult a? it i? to believe, a failed marriage ?s n?t a permanent set up. There ?s room for change. Consider h?w m?ny former husbands and wives manage t? find ea?h other ag?in ?fter separation.

If it happened t? them, it can happen to y?u too… ?f y?u play y?ur cards right. If ??ur wife wa? th? ?ne wh? called it quits, ?ou c?n bank on on? thing: sh? d?dn’t pull the trigger ?u?t bec?us? she do?sn’t love ??u anymore.

She d?d ?o bec?us? you hurt h?r deeply, ?erha?s ?n ways th?t ?ou w?r?nt ?ven aware ?f ?n the f?r?t place.

Before attempting t? play Romeo and assault h?r with flowers and chocolates (even if th?? ?r? h?r favorite), ?t i? m?r? important t? find out why ?he left ??u in th? first place.



Women d?n’t usu?lly s?y exactly wh?t the? think ?? y?u h?ve t? “decode” th? meaning of her words. Ask ?our female friends, ?our sister ?r ?v?n y?ur mother to decipher h?r actions. See, men and women th?nk very differently so don’t assess ??ur situation fr?m a man’s spectacles. Find a woman or ? relationship expert who?e opinion and character y?u trust to hel? ??u discover why ??ur ex wife decided to end everything.

Please do n?t stalk her, I m?an “follow h?r around”.

What ?ou m?y perceive ?? simply wanting t? get ? glimpse ?f her may c?me across wrong ?nd she w?uld th?nk that y?u are harassing her.

Calling h?r every 5 minutes t? check how she’s doing, leaving h?r emails and offline messages, try?ng to catch h?r ?n her favorite coffee shop ?r worse, hanging ?round in front ?f her place w?ll not win h?r back. In fact, it would ?ven reinforce h?r th?t she made th? correct decision.

Keep your pride w?th?ut b??ng proud.

That means no getting d?wn on ??ur knees, begging h?r to give ??u a ??c?nd chance. That w?uld completely strip you of the respect th?t you want fr?m h?r ?nd ?h? w?nts to give you.

Don’t act overly confident though b???us? a woman w?nts to feel needed. If you convey thr?ugh ?our actions that ??u ?re better ?ff with?ut her, then I suggest ?ou start gett?ng u?ed to growing old al?ne b???us? that ?u?t won’t work.

Don’t assume your plan ?f gett?ng h?r back will work b?cau?e ?t was you who d?nt understand ?n?ugh about your wife’s emotion whi?h caused her to leave you, instead, u?ing the advices fr?m an expert that will increase ?our chance to get ?our loving wife back f?r you and maybe for ??ur kids too.

You ??n g?t ?our ex wife back but ??u n?ed t? show her th?t taking an?ther risk with ??u ?s worth it. Have a careful plan b?f?r? taking ?ny actions.

Need m?re tips ?nd advices t? -Get My Ex Wife Back-? Visit m? site ?t http://ift.tt/1Ai3k9P f?r more secrets and tips th?t w?ll help ??u to win back th? love ?f your ?x wife ?? w?ll as or recapture the romance ?ou h?d in ??ur marriage.

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Lets Start Talking Again

It’s a fact that more marriages end in divorce than those that last. It used to be that marriages really were forever. The phrase “’till death do us part” was actually meant when it was uttered during wedding vows.

Now, we see or hear about celebrities who marry for 18 hours and couples that get hitched only to get legal status in one country or another.

Marriage is not a word that should be taken lightly, yet it is on a daily basis. But what do you do when your marriage is starting to fall apart, when everything you want is slowly slipping away? You rescue it.

1) Rescuing the Relationship

To save your relationship, you must first figure out what is causing it to fall apart.

Do you and your spouse talk about things, or are you too busy working and raising your family to discuss what’s going on? Have you gone on a date in the last six months?

Do you fight and argue all the time, or has one of you cheated on the other? What is causing the relationship to break down? Let’s face it; you don’t just wake up one morning and say, “I think I’d like a divorce today.”

In order to figure out what’s going (or gone) wrong in your relationship, you need to take a step back from your feelings to observe what is going on.

If you fight frequently, write down the things you fight about. Write down the amount of time you’ve spent together in the last few days, and write down what you were doing when you weren’t spending time together.

You will want to get everything straight in your head before you start to talk to your spouse about your problems and what you think might be damaging your relationship.

2) Talking—It’s Not Overrated

After you have gathered your information, approach your spouse.

Make sure you go into the discussion calmly and rationally. You also want to make sure that you’re not accosting or accusing, but rather asking and questioning.

If you go into the talk too aggressively, you are going to turn them off and nothing will get answered or resolved. Make sure you lay everything out on the table, from the things that are bothering you to the things that you wish you did more of together.

Explain that you want to know how your spouse is feeling, and that you care about where they want the relationship to go.

3) Scheduling

If you have a busy schedule, you may want to make an appointment to have this discussion. Actually, making a schedule for the two of you on a weekly basis is an excellent idea.

All parents know that children thrive on routine, which is why they have a time to wake up, a time to eat, and a time to go to bed. Relationships thrive on a somewhat of a timed schedule, as well.

For instance, take the case of my friend and her husband. Both of them spend every Saturday night together. They have young children, so most of the time they stay in instead of going out. They will rent a movie and either get take-out or some quick meal they can throw together once the kids have gone to bed.

They leave the lights on in the living room long enough to eat their meal, and then, once that’s done, they put the dishes in the sink (they will still be there the next day, so there’s no reason to spoil the mood by doing them), turn the lights off and snuggle together to watch the rest of the movie. They don’t talk about anything except the movie, and make sure that they are touching each other as much as they can.

It is not “un-romantic” to schedule time to be with your spouse. Make sure that you get some time together, whether it’s going out together, or staying in watching a movie. For myself and my boyfriend, sometimes we’ll pull out a board game, add some alcohol, and have a great night being silly together.

As you get along in your relationship, you come to take each other for granted. Spending fun, relaxing time together is one great way to get your relationship back on track.

If you’re thinking about filing for divorce because you can’t stand the fighting anymore, stop. Think about why you are fighting, and try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. When you love each other and put a little work into it, marriages really can last forever.




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PULL It Together

Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. Its heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you dont want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.


Chill out

Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take

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a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.

The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.

Understand what is happening

While you are “chilling out” and taking a moment to breathe, take a look at what is happening. This is where you try and look at the big picture and then look at things from other perspectives. From where you are standing at the moment things may look pretty bad. Try to look at it from other perspectives and it might not be as bad as you thought.

Try looking at it from an outsiders perspective and from the one you love. From those other perspectives you might find out why things have been getting out of control. There may be a relatively simple solution to help save marriage.

Laugh at yourselves

This doesnt mean to make light of the situation but it does mean dont take yourselves so seriously. It is easy to make mountains out of mole hills. Things snowball out of control but when you are able to see what it was that actually made the snowball you may end up laughing at it.

It can be hilarious to find out how a minuscule thing can turn into something so huge when it didnt have to. It can be hilarious if you are willing to let it be. Many times when people go through a rough time they will say, “Sometime we are going to look back at this and laugh!” Why wait?

Look for ways to improve

Once you have had a chance to step back and catch your breath and then been able to get some perspective on the situation, you can move on. When you have realized that at its root, this situation or problems that you have been struggling with is really small and manageable you can get things on track.

The next thing that you need to do is commit yourself to finding a way to improve. If you are responsible for the little things that get blown out of proportion, then try stopping it. If you have learned that you overreact, then stop it. Improve the way you handle situations and everything else may just fall into place to help save marriage.

To help save marriage, PULL together and bring back what belongs together...the two of you.

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Its Not My Fault! But Its My Responsibility

Who is responsible for our troubles in life? It might sound harsh, but to a very great extent, we are.

Learning to accept responsibility for our circumstances (without blame or judgment) is an important part of changing those circumstances.

It is almost second nature for most of us to look outside ourselves when things go wrong. Usually that means finding someone or something else to blame, but this overlooks one really critical fact:

While it is true that your environment effects you, it is equally true that you can (and do) effect your environment. This power to change, to create a different reality than existed 10 seconds ago is something we often take for granted, but it holds enormous power.

For example, if you really wanted to, you could get up right now and go call someone you havent spoken to in a long time; or start singing some ridiculous childrens song ("I love you--you love me..."); or go draw a smiley face on your bathroom mirror with shaving cream.

You could do any of these things or a zillion others in the next 120 seconds, and in doing so you would have created a situation and a feeling that did not exist a few minutes ago. You have this incredible power to create change in your actions, perceptions and beliefs at the drop of a hat! All humans do--its something we are really good at.

But when it comes to dealing with troubles, sometimes we forget how easily change comes to us. We forget we are the most adaptable creature that have ever lived; and not only are we made for change, we actually thrive on it.

Many people have a habit of telling themselves "I cant." Thats their "story," and theyre sticking to it. Its a story in which we become a "victim" of the world around us, not creators of it (which is what we actually are).

But this amazing power to change that we were born with makes it easy to develop a new story. And thats what changing your life is all about: telling yourself a "new story."

You can begin with your story about you--who you are? A coaching client recently told me she would be dismayed if anyone talked to her the way she talked to herself. Realizing this fact was a big step in the right direction. Taking responsibility for the "story" you tell yourself is always a step toward improving you life.

Do you "see" yourself" as the person you want to be? If not, why not? Are you waiting for some magic day, when all the elements are in place, and you are doing exactly the right things, and then...youll see yourself as pretty cool? Thats just doing things backwards. You cannot reasonably expect to do something you cant "see" yourself doing.

Likewise, you cannot reasonably expect to "be" someone that you cannot "see" yourself being. Taking responsibility for your life means being actively involved in creating it, not just passively reacting to whatever may come your way.

Get some support if you need it, and start from where you are right now. Accept responsibility for your circumstances, and then take action to re-create them. No one else can do this--only you.

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I Want to Get My Ex Wife back

I Want to Get My Ex Wife back

If you are separated or divorced ?nd y?u miss your wife terribly, y?u m?y b? thinking – how c?n I get my ?x wife back? Yes, ?t ?s ?os??ble to g?t y?ur ex back, couples h?ve been separating or g?tting divorced ?nd then reuniting ?ver the years. So th?re ?s a chance ?f that’s wh?t ?ou decide you w?nt t? do.

If ?our wife left you, what wa? th? ?aus? ?f this? Did y?u do ??mething l?ke cheat ?n h?r or did you just n?t give h?r much attention. The f?rst reason w?uld b? difficult to work with but it can be occasionally repaired. If you did n?t give ?our wife th? attention ?he deserves, this ?an be easier t? fix.

First thing ?s that ?our wife m?y n?t r??lly h?ve wanted t? leave. She h?d ? secure place ?nd mayb? ?ven children ?re involved. So th?s mu?h ?ou h?ve g?ing f?r you. The security she h?d could be s?m?thing to take advantage of. You would need to convince her that sh? ?an trust you, wh?t?ver ?t ?s ?bout you th?t may h?ve made her leave n?eds to be fixed.

You will n?ed to show h?r how mu?h ?ou love her, but do n?t chase ?fter her relentlessly, this ma? push h?r from you. Just t?ke a slow but deliberate approach ?nd l?t h?r get us?d to y?u again ?nd ?ee h?w mu?h you r??lly care ?bout her. If ?he sees how secure ?he feels ?round you and the home ?he may start to ??nsid?r reconciling. Just t?ke ?t nice ?nd slow ?o ?he d??s not feel rushed int? it.

Hi, I’m Makoo Leandro ?nd I understand how ?ou m?? b? feeling right now. If y?u w?uld lik? t? get back ?our self-esteem ?nd get back tog?ther with y?ur ?x ??u ??n learn m?r? fr?m my site Get My Ex Back

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Catch My Cheating Spouse

Your Spouse Could Be Cheating On You - Right Now

If youre here on this site looking for clues to see if your spouse is cheating... then there are big problems.
I learned the hard way about my spouse, and I hope you dont find out the way I did.
If you want to save yourself from heartbreak and save your relationship, then I recommend you click here for this guide, it will teach you to positively identify if your spouse is cheating on you.
I highly recommend it as it works and comes with a 100% satisfaction money back guarantee.
I mean, I know my relationship was worth me spending a little time and effort into finding the truth...
Is your relationship worth it to you?
Because I thought to myself, I dont want to spend the rest of my life thinking about "what if"...
What if I was betrayed?
I had to find out...
So I urge you to find out the truth today...
Find out the truth today and click here.

>>Click Here To Be Redirected To Our New Site<<

So What Are The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse?

There are many individuals who have experience with cheating spouses and they have no problem to show me signs of a cheating spouse.

Those that have been hurt in this fashion are willing to spread the word so others can be aware of cheating spouses.

Most times the first indication will be a gut feeling, you dont know why but you have some natural intuition saying that something is going on. Gut feelings then lead you to investigate others that will show me signs of a cheating spouse and you may begin to notice some of these signs.  

We all worry sometimes, about whether our mates are being one hundred percent faithful. To help ease your minds, or to help you warm up your curb-kicking foot, I have compiled the following list to show the signs of a cheating spouse.

Click here to find out if your spouse is cheating now!

Signs Of A Cheating Spouse: The Signs

1.     Working Late:  When your significant other starts to work long hours without a promotion this could signal that they are working on mining new prospects. I tell friends that are worried about this to show up on one of their spouses late nights to hand deliver dinner. This will either catch them with their pants down, or alleviate some of your worries. 

You need to see if their explanations make sense and stay the same. If they are frequently late from work as them way and then ask them to repeat or give more details sometime in the near future. 

2.     Business Trips:  The sudden business trip can be a very bad sign. A tryst is much easier to accomplish out of town, away from the prying eyes of your friends. If you think there might be more than conferences and sales pitches going on, call your husband/wife. And if you have a set time that youre supposed to call them, either call early or late. This way if everything is not as it should be, you may hear it in their voice. 

3.     Distancing Themselves:  When someone in a relationship begins pulling back - either physically or emotionally - it usually means that things are about to end. Not proof in and of itself, but if this is part of a pattern then it could mean that they are investing in another person. When you see this begin to present in a relationship, sit your partner down and talk. Find out what they want out of the relationship and tell them what you expect from them.   

You may also notice some distance growing between both of you particularly if you have had marital problems in the past. You may feel that this time the distancing is much larger then anything before and may point towards an affair.

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How To Tell that My Ex Want To Get Back With Me

If your ex is showing you a little bit of interest, or seems more interested in going out and spending time with you than before, or if you notice signs that your ex is trying to flirt with you, then its okay to be a little hopeful but you need to avoid jumping the gun. Are you as

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king yourself "does my ex want to get back with me"?

These are definitely very common signs that your ex is interested in getting you back. But even if you want to get back with your ex, you should not simply jump into things. The best way to play things is to play hard to get (in moderation), which is probably what your ex will best respond to anyway. If you simply jump into things full force, then you may find your ex pushing you back again. In fact, if your ex is giving indications that he or she wants you back, then the odds are, it was you playing hard to get that led to the renewed interest in the first place.

Usually when you break up with your ex, or he or she breaks up with you, there is a natural level of missing one another, or longing to get back together. This is especially true following a relationship of a year or longer. Your ex is probably going to miss you no matter what, because of how many memories were shared together during this period of time. But there are other emotions that come into play including past regrets. If you are wondering "does my ex want to get back with me" the odds are that your ex may be thinking the same thing for the same reasons.

Sometimes when an ex shows interest again following a break up however, it is only a game. They may see that you love them, and they may simply be trying to get attention, without actually intending to get you back. So, unless your ex really seems genuinely interested in spending time with you, they may just be passing the time because they have no other prospects on the horizon. And worst of all they may see this as away to get revenge for some perceived wrong. This is why it is important not to jump the gun, and why you should focus on reading into the situation before you act on it.

This is common, and a lot of people find themselves wondering "does my ex want to get back with me?", but the truth is, its better to get a feel for the situation before you act. In reality, if your ex does want to get back with you, playing hard to get (in moderation) is the best scenario because it will prevent you from getting hurt if your ex is not really serious about getting back with you.

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Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.




If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

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I Want My Ex Boyfriend To Want Me Back! How To Win Him Back

I want my ex boyfriend to want me back!” this is often said by person feeling alone and jilted. What does it say concerning you if you are still very much interested in your ex boyfriend? It says that you are grown-up enough to know true love once you sense it as well as you have a fixed purpose to not lose it. If you are in this condition at the moment you have possible been faced with so many family members and friends letting you know that loving an ex boyfriend is an extremely terrible thought. Clearly, it is not the situation you would like to find yourself, however youre and youve to make the best of it. That indicates you have to put your shoulder to the wheel, get serious and find how to get him back.

Extreme anxiety is the feeling r?ght n?w ?t th? time you w?nt y?ur ex boyfriend back. To you, th?s i? th? m?st important, ?t th?s time, th?n getting back togeth?r w?th your ?x boyfriend. That is usual howev?r ?t ??n a? w?ll b? harmful. It i? difficult to conceal anxiety p?rticularly if you c?m? ?cr??s your ?x boyfriend frequently. You ma? h?v? decided t? talk to h?m ?t all opportunity you c?n ?s r?gard? the relationship coming to an end. Maybe youve decided t? write a love poem in an effort to g?t h?m back again. You must stop do?ng things l?k? this. Getting y?ur ?x boyfriend t? w?nt ??u back ?ga?n i? all ?bout creating an irresistible n?ed in him.

You h?v? heard th? proverb on the subject ?f th? w?? absence makes th? heart grow fonder. That ?s ?art??ularly r?ght ?fter ? relationship has ended. Giving ??ur ex boyfriend space i? very important. Not onl? ?? ?t g?ing to make h?m miss you h?wev?r ?t? g??ng to a? w?ll give you ? m?r? understandable viewpoint. My advice ?? t? give ??ur ex boyfriend space for about tw? weeks and the drama surrounding it. Give y?urself a break ?nd utilize th?t time to concentrate ?n restoring friendships a? w?ll as g?tt?ng ??urself back int? a strong emotional position.

After a while, call h?m to know how he is doing. Ensure y?u ar? friendly h?wever not pushy. Endeavour n?t t? talk about th? break u? ?n an? way. Rather concentrate on the present and the future. Have a discussion regard?ng th? things y?u ar? do?ng and wh?t i? happening in y?ur life and ??k y?ur ex boyfriend the same.

If y?ur ex boyfriend perceives in y?ur voice that ??u’re thriving as well a? ev?n better after the relationship ended, ?t will feel l?k? ? fast kick to their personality. Nobody want? t? picture th??r ex moving on w?th?ut them that soon. If you c?n kee? ?n this strong and focused path, y?ur ?x boyfriend i? go?ng t? feel weaker ?nd weaker daily. Your ?x boyfriend ?? g??ng to want y?u back simply t? prove to you th?t y?u n??d him th? sam? wa? he needs you. Therefore make your mind up ?nd be th? unwavering ?nd in control person y?u recognize you c?n possibly be.



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Win Ex Boyfriend Back From That Girl !

You want to win ex boyfriend back because he was yours and for some reason she has him now. If you believe that the two of you should be together then it is very likely that you are. But how are you going to do this? You have to play it smart and dignified if you are going to win

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ex boyfriend back.

She may want to play nasty to keep him away from you but if you get nasty right back then all you will be doing is feuding and you are too big for that. What you want to do is show him that you are more mature than she is and more like a real woman while that other girl is immature.

If your first instinct is to fight, suppress it. Rise above it. Gain control of your emotions and the other girl may be exposed for being the immature girl she is. If you look favorable compared to her then it will only be too obvious that you are the better choice. Rather than resorting to curses, resort to positive feelings. Be the obvious better choice and you stand a greater chance to win ex boyfriend back.

If she treats him poorly then talk to his friends. They may be feeling the same way. IF it keeps going you may have grounds to have an intervention. Talk with their friends and find out with them what you could do together to get him out of that situation. If you want to win ex boyfriend back it will be easier if you have his friends working with you. Much of the best ways to win ex boyfriend back from her is going to be using his friends.

If it seems like he is under some love spells that she put on him, find out what it is that she has over him and try to find ways to show that he deserves better. Let his friends know that he deserves better. They may very well agree with you. If she has him obsessed with her and she is forcing him to spend time with her instead of them, they will want to get him back. If you are on their side, they will be on yours.

If are able to convince others who know him well that their friend is better off with you then you will have a lot smaller of a battle to fight. There will be so many people against that relationship that it could crumble under the pressure. The secret to having this work in your favor is to be behind the scenes. Let others do the work for you. That way if that other girl catches on you can make her seem like she is paranoid for thinking that you are causing all their problems.

The key to getting what you want, which is to win ex boyfriend back, is to have as many people on your side as possible. It doesnt have to be you against the two of them. It could be the two of them against the world. When their relationship falls apart, you will find it easier to win ex boyfriend back.

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How to Get Back Together with My Ex in 3 Steps

Have you just recently experienced a break up, and you are wondering "how can I get back together with my ex”? You may want to score your ex back immediately, and this is a common feeling that everyone experiences.

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You can find yourself following into an emotionally depressed state, and you may find yourself wondering what to do. You may immediately feel like calling your ex and begging him or her to come back to you. But is this really going to make things better? Rather than make things better, what it is probably going to do is make your situation much worse, chasing your ex away even further.

What you should actually do at this point is the opposite of what you are feeling. Do you feel like calling your ex? Dont! Do you feel like staying inside and crying all day long? Dont! Instead, follow these three basic steps and you will have the answer that you need to the age old question "How do I get back together with my ex?"

Step 1 - How to get back with my ex : Accept the Break Up!

First and foremost, you need to accept that the break up is happening. Tell your ex that you are okay with it, and allow the "moving on" process to begin/. When you do this, it will eliminate a large amount of the tension and stress that is being experienced by all. Your ex will need time to think about the relationship, and this will give you time as well to consider your options. If your ex realizes that he or she still loves you, they will find a way to get back with you.

Step 2 - How to get back with my ex : Do not contact your ex!

Do not make an effort to contact your ex anymore right now. You should cut communication off with him or her so that there can be some "thinking time". This may seem counterintuitive, but by cutting communication off you are signaling that you have already moved on and that you are doing just fine.

This will allow him or her to think about the relationship and how they feel about its value. It will also allow them to have some time to miss you again. When you can separate yourself from your ex and can calm your nerves, that may be the best time to let them realize how important you were to them.

Step 3 - How to get back with my ex: Plan Ahead for the Get Together

Once you have completed the two steps mentioned just above, you can start working on planning on when you should meet, where you should meet, and also what should be said when you do meet up again. This will allow you to get a better idea of whether or not your ex still loves you, and also if there is any chance that you and your ex will be able to get back together.

"How to get back with my ex?" Can be a little more complicated than the three steps above. But they are a good start and will improve your chances of winning your ex back.

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Relationships Sites Good Vs Bad Advice

The Internet is filled with relationships sites that offer advice, tips and articles about good and bad relationships. Some are designed for those who are new in a relationship while others are for those who have had a break up and are now making up and trying to work it out. Can these relationships sites really help you heal your relationship?


If you take the information in them and apply it, it can certainly help. There are certain types of advice that are better than others, obviously. And some relationships sites are designed to get you to buy something, with articles that really don’t even make much sense.

Avoid those sites that are too cutesy to be useful, with quizzes and articles about things like how to trick your partner, how to cheat and not get caught, and things like that. Those aren’t for people in serious relationships, or they’re just for humor.

But sites that offer good advice can be very helpful. Very often there will be message boards and forums where other people reading the same information can interact. Testimonials about how the site helped might be available.

Be sure to take those testimonials with a grain of salt, however. Some relationships sites make them up, or have other people make them up, just to look better or sell you something.

The sites that have been put up by actual relationship experts like those who have written extensively on the subject are usually best. If they counsel people in healing relationships and have some popular books, they’re at least trying to offer useful information.

But there are sites that aren’t put out by experts that can contain gold mines, too. Some might have question and answer pages or even advice columns. It can often be helpful to read about other people’s situations. This lets you see what other people did while seeing if the advice might apply to your situation, too.

Relationships sites that guarantee they can save your relationships or marriage might not be great ones. If you’ve broken up and are now back together, you know how hard it is. And for any site or person to say that your relationship can definitely be saved is deceptive.

Without knowing your particular situation, no one should ever make that promise. And in fact, even with knowing your situation in detail, there’s no guarantee that anything can make absolutely sure that everything will work out all right.

The most any websites or even experts can do is give you the tools to try. You can get advice that will give you the best possible chance of making the relationship work this time. Then it’s up to you to use the information to make it happen.

Sites that have a lot of absolute statements, like how something will make him do a certain thing or think a certain way, aren’t being realistic. Look for relationships sites that admit not everything will work just as planned, as the advice in them will be much more practical.

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My Sheep Hear My Voice!

Now that we the American citizens have made it through another year of fighting for our Constitutional Rights and to be protected by our Bill of Rights; I just want to say thank you Lord Jesus Christ for sitting on the Right had of God our Heavenly Father interceding for us all! (Luke 22 verse 69) I say this prayer for all of the citizens of America.

Since the last Presidential election American citizens have been ruled with an iron fist like the communist nations. Since 9/11, the American citizens are treated like terrorist by our elected public servants. Our elected public servants claimed they had to pass the Patriot Act in order to protect our American way of life. Well freedom is our way of life and this Act takes away our freedoms and makes our public servants dictators over, the American citizens. You may say ask is this possible? Well let me begin with a several quotes citizens believe regarding the United States of America: "We are a Christian nation." "America is a civilized nation." "America is a powerful nation." "American citizens live in a free nation." "American media is free." "American citizens live under a system of democracy." "Our elected public servants honor their oath of affirmation to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States of America from foreign and domestic enemies." (Article 2,Sec.1, Clause 8) "Our military are fighting all over the world to keep American citizens free." There are other quotes that I know you, the reader can think of too, but I will stop with these.

Out of all the previous quotes which one do you recognize as the voice of our Lord Jesus Christ? Remember, His sheep hear only His voice and follow it. (Mark 13 verse 31 and John 10 verses 27, 28). So let me tell you what our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ have to say about all of these quotes. "Heaven and Earth will pass away but my Word will last forever."(Matt 24 verse 35 and Matt 5 verse 18) Apparently all of the previous quotes ended in 2001. If you do not believe it then just fill out an application for anything in America and see what personal and private questions our public servants want from us, the free American Citizens. Then check all the latest legislation by your elected public servant you will find that all our phone calls and emails are being read by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (F.B.I) and the Central Intelligent Agency (C.I.A.) thanks to the Patriot Act. I was also informed in December, 2006 that if you apply for a job your employer can access your police records. Now imagine your employer, a person who may be a criminal too, accessing your police records from juvenile to adult. Now remember we are free! You might say if one does not have a traffic ticket, a DUI, credit problems, domestic problems, money problems, prescription drug or street drug problems, or child support problems, then you do not have to worry about what your employer finds in your police records. Honestly, even the elected public servants have some of the previous problems that I have listed above. However, at the time congress passed the Patriot Act they were scared of every American citizen who lived in America not just the people who commit the terrorist acts.

The Words of our Lord Jesus Christ concerning America is as follows: "You will know His disciples by their fruits." (Matt 7 verse 20 and Luke 6 verse 44) If we are listening to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ voice then we will be about our Heavenly Father business, meaning having a clear consciousness of our identity and mission in Christ. (Luke 2 verse 49) We should be letting the love of God flow though us; so that we can reach a dying world who knows not of God or his Son. (Col 3 verse 16) American democracy is fear mongering, "God did not give us the spirit of fear but of love and a sound mind." (2nd Tim 1 verse 17) It is written, fear not man who can only destroy the body but fear God who can destroy both body and spirit." (Matt 10 verse 28 and Luke 12 verse 4, 5) It is also written if you love me you will keep my commandments. In the New Testament, the first commandment is to love the Lord thy God with all your heart, soul, mind, body, and strength, and the second is to love thy neighbor as thy self." (Matt 22 verse 37 and Mark 12 verses 29, 31) America we are not listening to the voice of our Lord Jesus Christ. We are listening to the voices of our fellow man; and we are too busy trying to make personal gods out of our public servants and God is not pleased with that.

American Citizens, I suggest that you read the Bible for yourselves, for if you dont you wont know what the voice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ sounds like. In addition, I suggest you read the four gospels four times each and just read the red print first; then go back and read the four gospels again, but the second time you read the gospel read the black print only. Then go back and read the black and read print together twice. You see the best way to know what the voice of our Lord Jesus Christ sound like; is by reading His Words. He said He and his Words are one and His Words are Spirit." (John 6 verse 63 and John 14 verse 23). So American citizens and elected public servants if you believe the United States of America is a Christian Nation then you are not listening to the voice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ concerning mankind.

According to Apostle Paul, we are the children of God as we live on earth and our citizenship is in heaven. (Roman 8 verses 6 and 7). Remember also it is written "Without Him we can do nothing." (Ephesians 4) "Not by power not by might, but by my Spirit says the Lord of hosts" (Zachariah 4 verse 6). American citizens if we are going to listen to any voice then it might as well be the voice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Whose voice are you listening to?

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How Can A Jerk Get Woman Back

If you are trying to get woman back, but you were a jerk to her, you may not deserve her. That may not be what you want to hear but it may very well be the truth. It is good that you recognize that you may have had a problem but what are you going to do about it and why should she want you back? Until you figure those things out you may not get woman back.

Here’s what you need to do to get woman back:

1) Change the way you look at women. If you consider them property then you do not deserve a chance. View them as people deserving of respect and do your best to give it to them and you might have a chance. To love women you need to respect women.

2) Change the way you treat women. Chivalry is not dead. Be a gentleman and treat them as queens. If you can pull this off your chances improve. Be subtle about it and try not to draw attention. You don’t want to look like you are faking it. They will notice. Women are smart like that and if she doesn’t notice she will have a friend notice and tell her. Your credibility may be shot.

3) Learn humility. This will go a long way towards helping you get woman back.

4) Let her know that you were a jerk. If she tells you that you were, just agree with her. If she exaggerates, or it seems like she is, remember that to her she isn’t. The only person’s opinion that matters is hers if your goal is to get woman back. You’re selling and you’re trying to get her to buy. The customer is always right.

5) Find out if she wants some space or if she wants you to come begging and then give her what she wants. This will be a tough thing to do. You may have to ask around to people who know her well. She may even think that your efforts to try out are worth giving you a second thought.

6) Try and convince her friends that you are changed. You will have to do this first. They will be skeptical of you and will be most interested in protecting their friend that you hurt. If you can win her friends then you have won the major part of the battle. If you try and get ex back first, you will have trouble convincing her and even if you do, they may talk her out of it. Do you want her trusted friends for you or against you?

7) Don’t tell her that you have changed, show her. Words are great but it doesn’t mean anything unless there is some action to back it up. You need more than words.

8) Think about the long term and if you are going to be able to make this change permanent. If you can’t then you are going to end up in the same place you are now but only with a smaller chance to get woman back.

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Intelligent Way To Get Back Together with My Ex

Have you just recently experienced a bad break up, and you are wondering “how can I get back together with my ex-? You may want to score your ex back immediately, and this sometime is a common feeling that everyone may experiences.

You c?n find your??lf foll?wing into an emotionally depressed state, ?nd ??u m?y find ?ourself wondering what t? do. You m?? immediately feel like calling ?our ?x ?nd begging him or her t? c?me back t? you. But i? thi? r?ally g??ng t? make things b?tt?r i th?nk not. Rather th?n make things better, what it ?s pr?bably going to d? i? make y?ur situation much mu?h worse, chasing ??ur ?x aw?? ?ven furth?r than before.



What y?u should ??tuall? do at th?s point is th? reverse of what you ar? now feeling. Do ?ou feel like calling y?ur ex? Don’t! Do ?ou feel l?ke just staying inside and crying ?ll day long? Don’t! Instead, follow the?? thr?? basic steps and ??u will hav? the answer th?t you n??d to th? age old question “How d? I g?t back t?geth?r w?th m? ex?”

Step 1 – How to get back w?th m? ex: Accept the Break Up!

First and foremost, y?u n?ed t? accept th?t th? break is happening no matter how hard ??u d?nt want it to. Tell ??ur ?x that ?ou are ok?y with it, and all?w the “moving on” process to begin/. When ??u d? this, it w?ll eliminate ? large amount of th? tension and stress th?t ?s b??ng experienced by althe b?th ?f you. Your ?x will need time to think about th? relationship, ?nd th?s will give you time a? well t? ?on?id?r ??ur options. If y?ur ?x realizes th?t h? or ?he ?till loves you, th?? will find a way t? g?t back w?th you.

Step 2 – How to g?t back w?th my ex: Do not contact y?ur ex! I repeat Do n?t contact y?ur ex!

Do n?t make ?n effort to contact ??ur ex anymore right now. You sh?uld cut communication off with him ?r her s? th?t there can b? ?om? “thinking time”. This ma? s??m counterintuitive, but by cutting communication ?ff you ar? signaling that y?u h?v? already moved on ?nd that you ?re do?ng ju?t fine.

This w?ll all?w him ?r her t? th?nk about the relationship ?nd how they feel ab?ut ?ts value. It w?ll al?o ?ll?w th?m to h?ve some time t? miss y?u again. When ?ou ??n separate y?urs?lf from ??ur ex and can calm your nerves, th?t ma? b? the be?t time to l?t them realize h?w important ??u wer? to them.

Step 3 – How t? g?t back w?th m? ex: Plan Ahead f?r the Get Together

Once ?ou h?v? completed the two steps mentioned ?u?t above, y?u c?n start working ?n planning ?n wh?n ?ou should meet, where y?u ?h?uld meet, ?nd al?o what ?h?uld be s?id when you do meet u? again. This w?ll all?w ??u to g?t ? bett?r idea of wheth?r ?r n?t y?ur ex still loves you, ?nd al?o if th?re is ?n? chance th?t ??u and ??ur ex will b? abl? to get back together.

“How to get back with m? ex?” Can be ? l?ttle m?re complicated th?n th? thr?? steps above. But the? are a good start ?nd will improve your chances ?f winning y?ur ?x back. If ??u re?lly w?nt ?our ex back it w?ll cost ? few dollars ?n some time: hurry click here

from How to Get Your Ex Back - Make Ex Want You Back http://ift.tt/1wpDdk2

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Dealing With Break Up

When you are having trouble dealing with break up it is only natural. There is nothing to be ashamed of because everyone does. The important thing to do is to decide how you are going to dealing with break up.

You have two ways that you can go about dealing with break up :

==> The first is to let it tear you apart.
==> The second is to overcome it and become stronger because of it.

There is a saying that that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger but that all depends on your attitude and how you decide you will be dealing with break up.



This break up may have been the most devastating thing you have gone through but you don’t have to let it destroy you. What makes you a survivor is you deciding that this moment will not define you. A marriage ending in divorce or any type of relationship ending is difficult. If it was due to someone’s infidelity or an affair then you may have self-esteem issues that you need to get some counseling to help you through it. The same is especially true if there was abuse of any kind involved. If you were on either side of those issues, seek some help. Dealing with break up for any reason can cause some long-term problems if they aren’t dealt with soon.

When you are dealing with break up you want to be strong after you have gone through all of it. By deciding that you are going to come out a winner and stronger you are going to be helping yourself by giving yourself some positive focus and good goals to achieve. Don’t let this consume you. You have to be able to move on. Winning this is learning that there is life after this relationship and finding that life.

Also, don’t decide that you just want to survive, decide that you are going to THRIVE! Realize that your best days are ahead of you. Wake up each morning trying to focus on what good things can come on this day and try to be excited about what tomorrow holds. Focus on the good things that life has to offer. Life is over just because that relationship ended. You don’t have to lie to yourself and others. Believe that today is a gift and that you are fortunate because you have an unopened gift waiting for you just around the corner. Once you start believing that, you won’t have any more problems dealing with the breakup.

Breaking up is hard to do but it is only as devastating as you let it be. A nasty breakup doesn’t have to be the end of you. It can and will be a new beginning. The breakup of a relationship doesnt have to bring the breaking up of your life. If you build a new foundation from the ruins of this tough breakup, chances are that you will have no problem dealing with break up in the future.

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Talking to Teenagers Its Like Talking to Aliens

Sometimes love hurts. Sometimes love is so beautiful you feel like you are going to burst. You want to make love over and over. Just to make some feeble effort to show how much it aches. Your lover is happy. They dreamed of being loved like this. They dreamed that one day, someone would love them Like this.

It hurts you ache. They dont understand. You become sensitive, you become hyper. All emotional and reactive. Strength and stability are sucked from your core. You cant be yourself. Fragile, you want to make them happy, but it turns into advice. And you blow it. They shut to your love.

You want to love them, and there comes a destruction of their friendships and lifestyle. You want more of them, you want more and more. You are even more in love, it hurts, you do everything to relieve the pain, you try, but nothing can make this easy. You love, and the more you love, the more you hurt, crazy, madness, you just cant understand. They dont get it and you struggle, and change and try to cope. You hurt because you love. You try every angle, every idea, nothing helps, hopeless, youre in love.

Yesterday you were fine, friends and family, they even liked you, understood you. But now you are different, pathetic, not yourself. Not the one you thought you were. Vulnerable, its impossible, you cant live with yourself. You want to marry and merge and hibernate, yet, they dont understand, they think its about them, they think you are in love with them, they think its about them, but they are wrong, this is not the case. You are in love with the two, the couple, the pair, the twins. Its not them, its us.

You want them to become an us. The We. Our. Not me and mine, or yours and you. You want to get lost in them, and them in you. No them. No you. Be consumed. But they dont understand and you die. You fight yourself because you blew it. You lost yourself. And they didnt loose themselves. You are a fool, you think. Now you cant find yourself. You threw it away to create we - a we. But they dont understand, they think you are in love with them - about them, their self. And so, they start to cry why dont you love me like before? And you cannot say But I do!

You cannot say that you still love them because there is no we. There is no us. There is just a me, and a you. They dont understand. There was never an us. There was only them. And they didnt understand, they simply didnt turn up. They thought your love was for them but it wasnt just that, it was more, much more, it was two not one, and they could turn up.

And now, you are the accused. Liar, thief, cheat, and their heart is broken because they thought you would be there, no matter what. They say you never loved them and you try to explain that you loved us, not just them. But they just dont understand They thought your love was for them. They thought your love was a sacrifice for them. They thought you put them on an alter, but you wanted to put us on that alter. They thought they were the object of your love. It was not true It was an "us" we loved. We. Our. Us. Not a "U" And they just never showed up. They didnt understand, or just werent ready. For an "US" more important than "U"

It wasnt wrong that it didnt last, you were not wrong, there are no victims. You were not wrong, they just dont understand. They think your love is for them, because thats all they know, them. You just showed up and fell in love with the US. And they couldnt show up. Theres nothing to change in you. It hurts to love. Now, simply go back and do it again and know that one day someone will know how to love the US, more than they love the U. Your love for an US is divine and sacred.

Can you see.

We think its all about me.

But love is not about me, I, you, they, them.

Love is about an us.

To love an US people must let go of the ME and learn to protect it.

In love there is no me.

In love there is no you.

To fall in love is to fall from the I.

And work for the two

Live with Spirit

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Help save my marriage from failing

How to save marriage from failing after a disastrous ad catastrophic event has taken place may seem like a hard thing to do, but it can be done. There are many times when something horrible has happened in the life of a couple that the stress ends up being too much to bear. These are times it is important to know how to save marriage.

The need to know how to save marriage can come as a result of something in the marriage or relationship falling apart as the two struggle to deal with what has happened. Many times it happens after the death of a loved one or especially a child. Sometimes it will happen after a wreck. Maybe it was because of some natural disaster or an act of hatred by some unknown entity. It could be because of illness to one of you or anything else that happened that caused your world to fall apart.

There are some very important things that are how to save marriage from ending you need to know. You need to understand that people act and react differently to events. The most obvious is the differences between how men and women typically deal with things. Some people repress feelings while others are more outward and more obvious in their grieving. Understanding this and accepting it will help go a long way in knowing how to save marriage. Dont expect your loved one to react the same way that you do.

Another thing that you need to know is that grief many times rings out the worse in people and negative traits are often exaggerated. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself. Dont excuse the behavior and dont let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.

In both of the above marriage counseling is needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this.

Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:

~ Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be there. Find for them and help shoulder the load. Ask that the same be done for you.

~ Grow your support team. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.

~ Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.

When you have suffered greatly, it doesnt mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save marriage.

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Dirty Harry Potter

Fade in:

Ext Cave Entrance-Night

SPFX: Thunder, lightning and high winds surround this cave entrance.

Announcer (Gruff Voice)

In a world filled with dark doom and nefarious beasts with two heads...

Two sets of eyes appear in the darkness. Suddenly, a third set shows up.

Announcer Okay. Three heads...

Cut To:

Int. Castle Basement-Night The same storm can be seen through the windows as an Evil Sorcerer stands at a cauldron, mixing a bubbling, smoking potion.

Announcer

Where evil sorcerers mix deadly potions...

The sorcerer forces an eyedropper full of his potion to a lice-ridden rat.

Announcer

to radically change the human population into...

Theres a puff of smoke that clears to reveal a good looking gentleman in a gaudy tuxedo. Suddenly, a spotlight hits the gentleman. He picks up a microphone.

Announcer

Las Vegas lounge singers.

SPFX: Lightning and thunder crashes loudly.

Gentleman

(singing) Danke Shoen. Darling, Danke Shoen.

Announcer

Is there anyone who can stop the madness? Yes, there is.

But, only one person can do it. And that person is...

SPFX: Thunder and lightning crash again.

Cut to:

Close Up: Squinty-eyed man wearing round eyeglasses.

The camera pulls back to reveal Dirty Harry Potter dressed in a wrinkled suit.

Announcer

Dirty Harry Potter.

Cut to:

Ext Street-Day Harry has cornered a lounge singer and has him standing against the wall. Harry is pointing a broomstick at him.

Harry

So, are you feeling lucky, punk?

A spotlight encircles the man. He picks up a microphone from out of nowhere and begins singing.

Lounge Singer

(singing) Luck be a lady tonight. Luck be a lady tonight.

Cut to:

INT. Hogwarts Professors Office-Day

A Hogwart professor stands behind his desk. Harry stands opposite him.

Professor

Potter, Im taking you off this case. You cant just go around and eliminate anyone you damn well please.

Harry

Professor, it was a case of mistaken identity.

Professor

Mistaken identity? How can you mistake this for a lounge singer?

The professor holds up a picture of Wayne Newton.

Professor

Thanks to you, the world will never be able to hear "Daddy, Dont You Walk So Fast" again.

Harry hangs his head in shame.

Announcer

Theres danger as Harry comes face to face with the evil sorcerer.

Cut to:

INT. Cave-Night

Harry has his broomstick pointed at the evil sorcerer.

Harry

This is a Smith and Wesson Hogwart Special. It holds four thousand sparks of deadly destruction.

So, youve got to ask yourself. Was that three thousand or four thousand deadly sparks he released when he came in here? Announcer

Theres excitement as Harry infiltrates the Las Vegas lounge scene.

Cut to:

INT. Casino Lounge-Night

Harry is on stage, dressed in a pink tuxedo. Hes singing, but in his Dirty Harry voice.

Harry (singing) Youre having my baby. What a lovely way of saying how much you love me.

Announcer

Theres romance as Harry and his fellow Hogwart graduate, Cynthia, finally fall in love.

Cut to:

EXT Park-Day

Harry and Cynthia, a pixyish blonde, are in an embrace.

Cynthia

Hmmm. Harry, is that your broomstick, or are you just happy to see me?

Announcer

And, of course, theres action.

Cut to:

EXT Street-Night

Harry lays on his back as he tries to shoot an onslaught of lounge singers who walk towards him, in a "Night of the Living Dead" trance.

Harry

Damn, Im out of deadly sparks.

Cut to:

EXT Cave-Night

Back to lightning, thunder and high winds.

Announcer

See Dirty Harry Potter And The Lounge Lizards, starring Johnny Depp as Dirty Harry Potter, in his most unusual role since playing both Pigeon Sisters in The Odd Couple. Dirty Harry Potter, coming next Succoth. Do all you can to avoid it when it disgraces a theater near you. Void where prohibited by law; batteries not included; refrigerate after opening; if swelling appears, discontinue use.

Cut to:

INT. Hotel Room-Day

Harry reloads his broomstick. Theres a knock on the door.

Maid (O.S.)

Housekeeping.

Harry

Come in.

An elderly maid enters carrying a set of sheets.

Cut to:

Close up: Harrys Face

Harry

Go ahead. Make my bed.

Cut to black.

The End

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