Relationships What Makes Them Work

In our line of work we come across people all the time who are unhappy in their relationships and think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Lets debunk the myth of happily ever after being easy and look at what it takes to make a relationship work.

The number one priority in your life needs to be You. If you dont do the work on yourself, you carry, into all your relationships, the baggage from the past; whether that be a difficult relationship with a parent or pure lack of self esteem.

Most of us get into relationships with people who represent whatever we havent sorted with our parents. Do this exercise: Write out all the adjectives you can think of about your parents and then tick the ones that fit your partner you will be amazed at the similarities. I had been married 16 years before I discovered I had actually married my mother, with whom I had a difficult relationship! How is that possible? Because we draw into our life the people with whom we have the greatest opportunity to learn from, to free ourselves of our patterns. rebirthing has a saying: Love brings up anything unlike itself for the purpose of healing. That means we create that which is NOT love in order to fully comprehend who we really are.

When we finally take off the rose-coloured glasses and see the truth, we see patterns in our partner that were prevalent when we were growing up. The first people we need to heal with are our parents and once the hooks are gone from there, we can then create relationships we deserve. People are our mirrors so if we meet someone who is strong and silent (just like our dad/mum was... from whom we needed to know we were loved), so we "fall in love" with this aspect we are attempting to heal from. Of course, when we take off the glasses, we realize this person is not giving us what we want and then we start nagging (women- speak) or niggling (man-speak). "You never talk to me/want to make love with me/help me with the dishes/come to the races with me." What we are really saying is: You dont show me you love me, neither did my parent. Has the person changed? No, they are the same person you fell in love with but you have changed and you want more.

Unfortunately this person in your life is your creation, there to show you what you need to learn. When you "get it", guess what, they change and if they dont, you are smart enough to know when to go. We meet tons of people from backgrounds of abuse...physically, emotionally, mentally or sexually and they stay in relationships that are the same as they grew up with because they think they can change the other person. "For things to change, first I must change" (from the seminar Money & You) is a powerful statement. We have to understand what we deserve and what we are willing to have and then we need to look honestly at what we have created and find a way to bridge the gap.

When you get to the place where life reflects your dreams, your relationships will be so much easier but they still need to be worked on everyday! Many people want one, get one, put it on the shelf, never do anything with it and eventually it becomes thick with dust and disintegrates. Relationships are precious and they need energy put into them every single day. They are the way we learn the truth about ourselves, the way we find the courage to speak the truth.

Read The 5 Love Languages, find out what your partners love language is and make sure you fill their love tank every day. If it is Touch, walk holding hands even if its not your preference... If it is Acknowledgment, give them acknowledgments about the small things that we often take for granted; if it is Time make sure you spend some quality time with them every day. Maybe the love language is Acts of Service so do something you dont normally do, wash his car, iron her clothes! Gifts is another language, generally not a diamond ring or a Ferrari, but a rose by the bed, a bottle of his favourite wine in the bath!

In the end relationships require more work than anything else you can ever take on. The end result is true communication, intimacy and love that doesnt run away at the first hint of trouble.

When you relationship works, you can become a role model for others and then we can create communities that world and a world that works.

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Best Seller Books On Relationships May Make A Fool Of You

If your ex has just broken up with you, you may be in the marketplace for books on relationships. But how do you choose the best books on relationships among the many offerings out there?

Image by rachel sian via Flickr

In this article, I will show you how to choose the best books on relationships. And the answer will surprise you. Read on…

First, don’t be fooled by fancy letters after a author’s name. There are many people who find school to be a convenient escape from real life. Instead of engaging with people, they spend their time in the classroom and library. As a result, they end up with a lot of letters after their names when they hit age 35. They use their degrees to indicate that they have “expert knowledge” of a situation. But does their expertise work in the real world?

Instead, you should look for books on relationships by authors who have been in the trenches. They’ve either put a bad relationship back together themselves or they have helped countless buddies do the same. These aren’t therapy patients that come in for the “fifty minute hour” either. These relationships are those of people the author cares deeply about.

Next, you want to find books that don’t boil down to “put the relationship aside for 30 days and work on yourself during that period.” This is all most “save your relationship” or “get your ex back” reports say. Many of the ebooks on the market turn that concept into 50 page documents. These are just pieces of fluff and don’t deserve your attention – or your money.

Instead, you should look for a book that will give you new information; information that you’re friends can’t give you.

For instance, will the book tell you what women crave the most? Will it give you a step by step guide for how to give it to her? Will the book show you how to recover from an affair? Will it give you specific techniques to get relief from your pain?

Finally, look at who is recommending the book. Do the testimonials seem a little generic? Were they written by the author’s brother and second cousin?

You want to find books on relationships that come recommended by a wide variety of people, in various situations, from all walks of life. If it looks like both a guy from England and a newly engaged woman from Kansas have used the book, chances are it will work for you.

There are many books on relationships on the market. Unfortunately, most of them are drivel because they weren’t written by someone in the trenches. As a result, they have generic advice that could be best summed up in a paragraph or two. Then, what recommendations the book can get are generic in nature, because the book really has nothing going for it.

Finding the best books on relationships can take a little work. But, everything about relationships are work. Shouldn’t you invest the time and money in the very best book out them?

You can check out the posts on REVIEWS in this blog. :-)

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4 Tips To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

If your girlfriend broke up with you and you want to get your ex girlfriend back, keep reading. Guess what? 9 times out of every 10, if this happened its because you did something wrong. It can be a little tough for men to maintain relationships with women, but it is still quite possible with the right know how. You just need to figure out what happened to make you go off track so that you can get your ex girlfriend back.

Where did you go off track? Why did your ex girlfriend break up with you? When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, there are things that you really need to consider just like these. Some girls will tell you all of your faults in great detail while others wont. When you are trying to figure out what you did wrong, dont be afraid to ask her. This is a big step to learning how to get your ex girlfriend back because it will tell you what she thinks you need to do to make the necessary changes.

If shes not telling you what you did wrong and you still want to get your ex girlfriend back....

Consider the following things:

1 - You may need to pay more attention to her if you want to get your ex girlfriend back. Women dont like it when youre not paying enough attention to them. This really isnt an unreasonable request on their part. Its vital to every relationship that you give enough attention to your loved ones. Youll score points with her by showing her that you can give her the attention that you need.

2 - Women have a different idea about emotional support than men. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to figure out what shes looking for in terms of emotional support. She needs more than simply verbal affirmations, so buy her something nice to show her that you care about her. This is a great way to get the ball rolling when you want to get your ex girlfriend back.

3 - This shouldnt bear repeating, but apparently its necessary: Dont cheat on her! Even if shes cheated on you, or shes been cheated on before, cheating on her will not help you get your ex girlfriend back. If you like sleeping with different women, you dont deserve to get your ex girlfriend back, so dont even bother.

4 - If you want to get your ex girlfriend back and you still live with her, show her you can help her keep the place nice. Pitch in with the housework and participate as much as you can to show her that you know how to be responsible and that you know how to show your love for her.

When you are ready to get your ex girlfriend back, know that the process is not difficult. It may require some basic life changes, however, because you need to be mature and responsible, and you need to know how to show your love for her. Be loving, caring, responsible and respectful, and you may just get your ex girlfriend back after all.

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Serious Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

When you first get into a relationship, you are simply excited about your new love. You will often avoid many important relationship topics and conversations when you first fall in love with someone. With that being said, there are multiple questions and topics that should be covered by these who are in a more relationship. These are some of the serious questions to ask your boyfriend as you relationship continues to get more serious.

What Do You Think about Kids?

If you find that your relationship is getting more and more serious, you need to start thinking about your future goals. If you are dead-set on having a kid, and your boyfriend is dead-set on not having children, you may have an issue. While it may not be grounds to break up right away, it is something to keep in the back of your mind as you find your relationship to be more serious.

Is This Long Term?

You need to be upfront with your boyfriend about your wants and needs. IF you are looking for a long-term relationship, you need to tell them this. They will then be able to tell you whether or not they are on the same page.

What Are Your Thoughts on Monogamy?

It is important to be on the same page as far as monogamy is concerned. You need to ask this relatively soon. Be clear and firm about your stance on the issue, and make sure that you clearly understand their thoughts on monogamy as well.

Am I a Priority?

Talk to your boyfriend about their priority list. While you should not expect to be first on the list of priorities, you should not be last. Find out where you rank in their life to fully understand how committed they are to you and your relationship.

Do You Love Me?

This simple question may seem pointless, and may not seem serious. This question can actually have a strong purpose. When you ask your boyfriend if they love you, you are reaffirming their feelings. Sometimes, it is simply good to be verbally reassured that they love you and care about you.

Are You Willing to Work for Our Relationship?

Relationships are not easy to maintain. They require work and patience to be successful. You need to talk to your boyfriend about your relationship to understand if they are willing to do the work necessary to maintain a good and healthy relationship.

It is important to space these questions out; do not ask them all at once. While you want to have serious talks, you do not want to bombard your boyfriend with serious questions. IT is also important to keep an understanding tone while talking about these questions. An accusatory tone can ruin your relationship.

You should be asking these questions to understand your boyfriend. You need to think about serious questions to ask your boyfriend to ensure that you are not surprised by something later on in your relationship.

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Restoring Trust in Relationships After an Affair

Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it. This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Image by ecstaticist via Flickr

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was she too busy for you? Was she just not spending enough time on her grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

But just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your girlfriend or wife is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for her to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with her, you will be patient with her.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow her to constantly guilt trip you, she will not be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature. Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions. But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

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REVIVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH LAW OF ATTRACTION !

                                       

One of the most common questions that  I encounter is, "Can I use law of attraction to bring back an Ex?" 

And the Answer to this is Yes! You can! And it’s Easy and difficult at the same time. But in the end it will depend on you. It doesnt matter if the relationship ended yesterday or last month or last year , it doesnt matter if you are here and they are a 1000 miles away . None of it matters, all that matters is, if you still love them?

Most of you will say, "Yes we do!" Thats why we are here, reading your blog! We have tried for so long now, We have tried every move in the proverbial Book ! And now we are frustrated, and we have turned to the universe for help. Well, you have come to the right place, but before we start, I want to just make sure that you are pursuing whoever it is you are pursuing because of love, and not to prove a point, not because you think that you can’t get anyone else , not out of fear, not to feed your ego ,but because you are in love . 

Now how will you know if you are still in love, there are a million ways to know, but asking yourself and talking to yourself works best. 

PROCESS TO DETERMINE IF YOU STILL LOVE THEM ! 

1. Find a quiet place where no one can disturb you for at least 15 minutes .

2. Now sit down in a comfortable position, and close your eyes.

3. Take a few deep breaths.

4. Now just for a moment, concentrate on yourself, be entirely present in the moment, pay attention to your body, how it feels, just pull out all your awareness from the past, future, and be there in your body, be with yourself .

5. Know this that in this moment, sitting right here right now, you are free from everything. There is nothing that you need to do, there is nowhere that you need to be and there is nothing that can hurt you. For this 15 minutes you are here and you are free from all the worldly affairs of your life.  These 15 minutes are yours to relax! So Relax! 

6. Now when you feel like, search your awareness and find the most amazing person aside from your Ex that you know. This person can be anyone; someone you once had a crush on, someone who is way better than your Ex in looks, and nature and all other aspects. 

7. Once you have zeroed in on that better person, Ponder on this question.

       "Would i still want my Ex if this amazing person walked up to me and proposed me? " 

8. For a Moment consider this ,believe it is true, if this amazing person that you know of , or someone like that comes up to you tomorrow and proposes you, would you go for them or would you still want to patch things with your ex. 

Take a moment to process this thought in detail. 

If you happily  accepted this new and amazing person, then I must tell you that,  you are not in love with your Ex . What you are actually looking for is a happy and loving relationship , and that can come from anyone , it doesnt have to be your Ex. 

Now if the thought of accepting this new and improved person gave you mixed feelings, like cheating on your Ex, even though you are not in a relationship as of now, or if the thought of losing your Ex (despite all the kinks) popped up , and it didnt feel good. Then yes, you are still in love with your Ex , and you should read on .

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